4 Ways to Avoid Adultery

Adultery rarely begins with deliberate intention, although it usually ends up there in order to complete its sinister course. At the core, adultery begins with permission. Somewhere along the way, we begin giving permission to all the wrong things. 

Few people wake up and decide to destroy their marriage, devastate their family, dishonor God, and live with lifelong regret. What they decide instead is to be careless. To linger. To flirt. To stay silent. To place themselves in foolish positions and trust themselves more than Scripture says they should.

The Bible does not treat adultery as an accident, no matter what people today may claim about their own indiscretions. Scripture treats it as a predictable outcome of foolish choices. Wisdom warns, “Can a man carry fire next to his chest and his clothes not be burned?” (Proverbs 6:27). So if you want to avoid adultery, you need to stop asking how close you can get to the fire and start asking how far you should stay from it.

Here are 4 ways Scripture calls us to do exactly that.

1. Refuse Foolish Proximity

Proverbs 7 is a painfully clear chapter that outlines the steps to sexual immorality and adultery. The young man who falls into adultery is not described as rebellious or aggressive. He is described as foolish and senseless. Proverbs 7:7-8 tells of “A young man lacking sense… passing along the street near her corner, taking the road to her house.” Long before he entered the house, or her bed, he was wandering along on her street.

Adultery almost always begins with proximity before intimacy. Private conversations. Closed doors. Late-night messages. Emotional availability that belongs to your spouse but is being offered elsewhere. If you regularly place yourself alone with someone you are attracted to, you are not being spiritual. You are being stupid (in every sense of how the Bible uses this word). Some people will call it crazy, but it’s wise to refuse foolish proximity with someone who is not your spouse. Wisdom says: 

• Don’t travel alone with the opposite sex unnecessarily

• Don’t maintain secret conversations

• Don’t create emotional intimacy outside your marriage

• Don’t assume self-control will save you where wisdom should have protected you

David did not commit adultery when he saw Bathsheba bathing. He committed it when he sent for her (2 Samuel 11:4). The sin followed the summons. The lust was allowed to linger, and then he closed the distance and acted on it. 

2. Kill Idleness Before It Kills You

David’s adultery began with a detail we often skip. 2 Samuel 11:1 says,  “In the spring of the year, the time when kings go out to battle… David remained at Jerusalem.” Notice that David was not where he was supposed to be and he was not doing was he normally did. Instead of being a leader fighting the fight, he remained at home. He was bored. Unoccupied. Undisciplined with his time.

Idleness creates vulnerability. When structure disappears, temptation gains room to breathe.

Many affairs are not driven by lust alone, but by a series of factors including:

• Loneliness

• Dissatisfaction

• Unchecked downtime

• Emotional boredom

An idle mind becomes a workshop for sin, which is why Scripture calls us to purposeful living because God knows how quickly passivity turns poisonous. Guard your schedule. Guard your habits. Guard your evenings. Fatigue and boredom are not neutral conditions. They are dangerous ones.

3. Refuse the Lie That You Are the Exception

Every adulterer believes one or more of these lies along the way: 

• “It won’t go that far.”

• “I can handle this.”

• “No one will know.”

• “This is different.”

• “This isn’t a big deal.” 

Proverbs 7:22 exposes this type of self-deception when it describes the foolish young man as one led “like an ox to the slaughter…” Adultery always promises pleasure and delivers painful consequences. What follows is broken trust, shame, fractured families, lingering regret, and spiritual damage that does not heal quickly (Proverbs 6:32–33).

You are not smarter than Scripture. You are not stronger than sin. And you are not immune to temptation. The wisest people are not those who trust themselves, but those who take heed to God’s warnings. 

4. Cultivate Your Own Marriage

Avoiding adultery is not accomplished by just about saying no to temptation, but rather, it’s accomplished by cultivate your marriage. Proverbs 5:18-19 declares, “Rejoice in the wife of your youth…and be intoxicated always in her love” (Proverbs 5:18–19). Instead of pursuing forbidden women (or men), and finding exhilaration in sinful relationships, the Scriptures call us to relish in the one that God has given us. 

Neglect at home often precedes vulnerability elsewhere. When affection, communication, and intentionality erode, temptation starts looking like way less of a trap than it really is. Guard your marriage by:

• Pursuing your spouse intentionally

• Speaking openly about needs and struggles

• Choosing presence over distraction

• Addressing conflict instead of avoiding it

• Fighting for your marriage 

• Embracing protective boundaries with others

• Cutting off anything that threatens your unity 

No marriage is without it’s challenges and a well-tended marriage is not temptation-proof, but it is temptation-resistant. When you cultivate your marriage like a garden (pulling the weeds and tilling the soil), you will find healthy growth that can overcome whatever challenges the enemy sends your way. 

As a final exhortation, always remember that the ultimate safeguard against adultery is reverence for God. When Joseph resisted Potiphar’s wife’s aggressive and adulterous advances he asked, “How then could I do this great wickedness and sin against God?” (Genesis 39:9). That question stopped Joseph when no one else was watching. He knew God was, and that was enough for him. 

May that be enough for you.