How to Deal with a Narcissist (Biblically)

The word narcissist is used more today than perhaps any other relational label. In pop- psychology and social media, it has become shorthand for anyone who is difficult, self-centered, or emotionally draining. If you do enough searching online, pretty soon your algorithm will bombard you with an echo chamber of videos tailored to your tastes and as a result, Christians end up caught between worldly advice that urges immediate escape and spiritual counsel that minimizes real harm.

Scripture offers a better way that does not deny the reality or pain of someone’s behavior, but that identifies sin clearly, responds wisely, and entrusts justice and change to God.

With such a hot button term not found in Scripture, we need to define it carefully and biblically. 

What is Narcissism and Does Scripture Identify These Patterns?

A simple Google search will reveal that, clinically speaking, narcissism refers to “a personality disorder marked by grandiosity, manipulation, lack of empathy, and an inflated sense of self-importance.” When a Christian hears the word “disorder” it should immediately cause us to tread carefully and not to excuse sin. If you have a kidney disorder, this is understandable and not sinful. But if you are prideful, abusive, vindictive, manipulative, and destructive in how you operate within relationships, one must be hesitant to excuse this with a “disorder.” Such actions are unequivocally called sin in the Bible.

The Bible, opposite of pop-psychology, does not begin with diagnoses and disorders, but with the heart. Biblically, narcissism is best understood as entrenched pride expressed relationally. When you think of it this way, it’s easy to understand that Satan is the original and ultimate narcissist, and his destructive influence over people leads them to not just wrestle within pride (as we all do sometimes!), but to live out deeply entrenched pride that destroys relationships, tears down marriages, blows up friendships, and gaslights victims or wicked injustice. Instead of bonding hearts with truth, narcissistic pride divides and destroys. 

Proverbs 16:18 says, “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before stumbling.” This is the plight of people who live out this sinful pattern. Their history is not filled with peace, genuine relationships, or healthy homes. They become a repellent to the righteous (who want nothing to do with them), but that doesn’t stop them from piling up more victims. In no uncertain terms, a narcissistic person consistently: 

- Centers conversations around themselves
- Craves admiration, control, and affirmation
- Deflects blame and resists correction
- Uses people rather than loves them
- Responds to confrontation with anger, denial, or victimhood

Scripture calls this posture self-exaltation. In 1 John 2:16 we see this described as behavior unbecoming of God’s children, saying, “For all that is in the world, the boastful pride of life, is not from the Father.” 

Why Pop Psychology Falls Short

Much modern counsel treats narcissism as either an incurable identity (“cut them off completely”) or a therapeutic puzzle (“say the right things and they’ll change”). Both approaches miss the biblical bullseye. Biblical counseling refuses to reduce people to labels while also refusing to excuse sinful patterns.

ACBC’s Heath Lambert provides needed balance writing: “The Bible teaches that people are always responsible moral agents. Even when suffering is real, sin is never neutralized, and obedience is always possible by God’s grace.”

In other words, narcissistic behavior is not merely a personality quirk. It is a pattern of sin that harms others. And yet, the person remains accountable before God and capable of repentance through the gospel.

How to Walk the Tension of Love & Wisdom

When it comes to this topic, Christians often feel trapped between two biblical commands: love others sacrificially and exercise wisdom and discernment. This causes us to wonder how to walk with grace toward difficult people while also putting distance from destructive patterns. Thankfully, Scripture never pits these against each other. Jesus modeled both compassion and boundaries. Just think about John 2:24 and how Christ views people: 

“Jesus on His part was not entrusting Himself to them, for He knew all men.” 

(John 2:24)

Biblical love does not require unchallenged exposure to manipulation, control, or abuse. Nor does wisdom require hatred or revenge. The goal is faithful obedience and walking in truth, while not becoming a doormat or a bitter person. 

A Narcissist Needs Christ

If you’ve ever dealt with these types of people, you will quickly find that it’s never a fair fight (nor a logical one). In fact, fighting with them only incites and enables them. You cannot argue a narcissist into humility. You cannot reason them into repentance. You cannot manage their image of themselves. Only God can change the heart. What they need is to have their eyes opened to James 4:6: “God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” 

Your responsibility is not to fix them. It is to respond righteously.

Four Bible Steps for Dealing with a Narcissist

1. Name Sin Biblically, Not Psychologically

Avoid weaponizing psychological labels. Scripture calls behaviors what they are: pride, selfish ambition, deceit, slander, manipulation, or lack of love. Labels can excuse sin. Scripture confronts it. When necessary, speak clearly and calmly. Responses might include: 

• “That was unloving.”

• “That was dishonest.” 

• “That dishonored the Lord.”

2. Establish Wise Boundaries 

The Bible affirms boundaries. Some will argue that this is just punishment, but it’s actually protection! Narcissists are fools who operate according to the patterns of this world. What does Proverbs 13:20 say about spending time with fools? Wisdom shouts, “He who walks with wise men will be wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.” 

Without boundaries, you’re in danger. 

Boundaries may include limiting access, shortening conversations, refusing manipulative debates, or saying no without explanation. It could also mean avoiding people altogether if they have proven to be factious and dangerous (Titus 3:10). 

A mentor once shared excellent advice that may help shed light on healthy boundaries. He said, “You are not required to attend every fight you are invited to.”

3. Refuse the Approval and Control Game

Narcissistic individuals thrive on admiration, emotional reactions, and control. Scripture warns against living for human approval and Paul the Apostle is one of the best mentors on this particular challenge! Again and again he would challenge Christians, refusing to pull punches when it came to the truth. When being accused of peddling a soft gospel he rebuked the Galatians saying “Am I now seeking the favor of men, or of God?” (Galatians 1:10). 

Do not over-explain. Do not endlessly defend yourself. Do not attempt to manage their emotions. A calm, steady, God-fearing response often exposes manipulation more effectively than confrontation.

4. Entrust Justice and Change to God

This is the hardest step. Some narcissistic individuals will never repent. Others may be humbled by God over time. Your calling is faithfulness, not control. Vengeance may feel good for a moment, but it brings pain in the end. Romans 12:19 is such a helpful reminder as Paul urges us to “leave room for the wrath of God” (Romans 12:19). If all they feel is your wrath, you’ve not left room for God’s. 

Dealing with a narcissist requires discernment, courage, and deep trust in God’s sovereignty. Refuse to be naive but also, refuse to be bitter. The gospel frees us to love without enabling, to speak truth without fear, and to walk away from manipulation without hatred.